**WARNING NOT FOR YOUNG EYES OR ANYONE OFFENDED BY STRONG SEXUAL CONTENT**

His lips graze across my forehead, gently traveling down my face and toward my mouth. My head should turn away; turn away right now before something that shouldn’t happen does, but I can’t deny what I need from him. I bite down on my lower lip, knowing that I should stop this, knowing that I should walk away, but I can’t. I become more and more intoxicated with every touch and every breath that touches my skin. I part my lips slowly and his tongue accepts the invitation, swiftly claiming my mouth. What starts as a sweet entrance turns into hunger filled with a desire that explodes and we both lose control.

The ache is gone. He is my drug. He has taken over my entire body, numbing all of my physical and emotional hurts; my craving has been cured. Arching my back, I push my body off of the bed, crushing myself into him as my fingers grip into his hair. The moan that escapes him drives me even wilder. I start to pull his shirt up, wanting to feel his perfect body; a sexy, crooked grin appears on his face as our eyes connect. He grabs my hands, softly kissing each palm then places them above my head. His eyes continue to gaze into mine as he rips his shirt off over his head.

His head bends down toward my stomach, grabbing the hem of my shirt in his hands. He starts to slowly push my shirt up, laying soft kisses against my skin. His mouth meets one of my breasts and he pauses, breathing his hot breath onto it and making my nipples harden with anticipation. He lifts the shirt over my head, then bends his head again, running his tongue along my nipple while cupping my other breast with his hand.

I move my hand from above my head trying to tug down on my underwear, wanting the last piece of clothing on my body out of our way; out of his way. I want him. I want him now. Without removing his mouth from my breast he helps push them down further as I lift my hips and bend my knees. Together we get them to my ankles as he moves his body down removing them completely with his teeth. He stands up and removes his pants, exposing exactly what I need from him right now.

He holds his body above mine, sending shivers up my spine. He uses his knee to push my leg over, giving him better access to me, and slowly starts to enter my body. I cry out with indescribable pleasure; goosebumps overtake my skin and I close my eyes, allowing the emotions to seep through me.

“Look at me, baby,” he whispers softly. My eyes open, finding his as he leans down to kiss the tip of my nose. He holds my eyes as our bodies start to move in perfect sync, like a beautifully choreographed dance that we’ve spent days rehearsing. His thrusts are becoming harder, faster, dominating my body with all of his desire – I can’t hold on any longer as his eyes narrow and his breath quickens. Our bodies explode together with ecstasy.

When the high of it all comes down, I dread what will come next.

Liam walks casually over to me and kneels down on one knee. The excitement drains from my face. What is he thinking? Oh my God, I can’t handle this. Why would he do this to us? I can’t even open my mouth to tell him to get off the ground. I want to tell him he’s crazy and demand that he stand back up, but I can’t open my mouth. It is locked shut with shock.

“Lyla Bayou,” he begins. My heart drops down to my knees. Oh God, he’s going to ask me. I’m picturing that note that he gave me when we were 8, thinking about the boxes yes or no and how my heart fluttered a little when I handed it back to him with the box yes checked. Staring into his gorgeous face I feel silenced by the fear of what will happen to us when I find the word that will change our friendship forever. No.

We were fifteen when Dawson first called me Bay.

He grabbed my hand as we ran through my back property out to the lake. The type of swimmin’ we’d do never required any clothing; I loved my private property for that reason. That day I could hear all of the crickets chirping and there was a light breeze givin’ me the chills. Dawson held me in his arms and whispered in my ear, “Bay, I know that Liam was the first boy to ask you to marry him, but I promise you right now that I’ll be the last. I swear to God”. The tiny little bumps erupting over my skin had nothing to do with that light breeze and everything to do with Dawson James.

“You’re so beautiful, Lyla Bayou, that I can’t help but feel exactly as I do when I’m sittin’ on the dock of the bay.” He started singing the song; I always melted at the sound of his voice. “So, from here on out, you’re my Bay.”

After that moment, the only time he called me Lyla was when he was angry or hurt. I sure as hell didn’t like to piss that boy off and hurting him was the same as hurting me. I quickly grew to dislike the sound of my name escaping his perfect lips.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you; How scared I was and how excited I felt. My mind was in emotional chaos, Lyla. When your father decided that he was too young to be a dad, my fear outweighed my excitement. I had no idea how I would stumble through this parenting journey all by myself – that wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. God has a way of shocking us though – when I looked into your beautiful, brown eyes, I immediately fell in love with you. In that moment, I knew everything would be okay.

I know I wasn’t the best parent and that I have so much to apologize for. I thought I’d have the rest of my life to make up for all of my mistakes, but it turns out the rest of my life is only 2 short months. There’s not a lot I can do in the amount of time I have left except leave you with some advice – advice that I hope you’ll keep close to your heart throughout your journey in life. At the end of the day Lyla, that’s all I have for you – my love and my words.

Forgiveness is the most important thing that you can give. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the person who did you wrong, Lyla, NOTHING. It has everything to do with you and letting go of the negative feelings that will build if you don’t forgive. I know that we don’t talk much about your father, but I understand that you carry so much hurt and anger towards him for not being there like he should have. You have to forgive him. Lyla, if you hold on to the hateful feelings you are only cheating yourself out of the happiness that you deserve. When I look at you I don’t see a girl without a daddy; I see a girl who is strong and knows how to refuse crap from a man. Forgive him, Lyla, and let it go. You are you, because of the life you live – and the life you have lived has nothing to do with him. It’s important that you realize that forgiveness has nothing to do with the past, but everything to do with your future.

I hope that one day you’ll forgive me for the things that I didn’t do right in your life. I’d get so lost in following my own heart that I didn’t always think of yours. I hope that you will forgive me. I know you love me, and I love you so much too, but I wasn’t always the perfect mama. 

When you were with Dawson I saw you love. Truly love. That was the first, and only time I ever saw you filled with so much passion. Honestly, I wasn’t too happy about that relationship. I didn’t want young love to consume you then eventually ruin your heart. Since the day that boy disappeared from your life, Lyla, I’ve never seen you love again. I don’t want this for you, I NEED this for you; to love with your whole heart and with your entire soul like you did when you were with him. Life isn’t truly lived if you aren’t loving with a passion that burns its fire through every part of you. Love, Lyla. Love. And get lost in someone who will love you just the same, if not more; someone who will always put you before everyone else.

Love, Mama

I can hardly release the breath bound in my lungs as I reach for the wine glass that my hand can barely grasp. I was so scared that when I finally opened the box six long months after my mother’s death, there would be no letter. Had there not been something written with her words, I would have been devastated and felt cheated out of a final moment with my mom. While my life has always gone wrong, her words have always found a way to heal. I run my fingers all along the page, and breathe in her scent. “Mom, I have really screwed things up for myself. I don’t know how to move on from losing you.”

My apartment feels eerily cold. My words, spoken to the lonely silence, echo back to me. The deadness is interrupted by the chime of my phone. I walk to my purse to retrieve it and click read on the text :

Tommy: I’m in town, my hotel at 11? Or would you like to get some drinks first?

My mind flashes back to the line in my mom’s letter; love and get lost in someone who will love you just the same. I’m feeling lost alright; I’m losing myself in a man that I barely know. My time with Tommy has been satisfying in every physical way imaginable, but I don’t feel any direction. I don’t know how to lead us to a final destination of togetherness and of happiness.

I can’t find a reason to stay here. I grab my box and, leaving my wine untouched, walk away from the life that went from enchanting to havoc and go to where my heart has always been…. home.